We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
