Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
