I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
