nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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