We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
