I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
