this beer tastes like vomit already
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
