So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
