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You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize