i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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