just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
