I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
