hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
