I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
