I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
