actually, I'm a sock model
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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