I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
