After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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