Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
