hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
