I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
