I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
