I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
