I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
