I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
