so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
