i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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