I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
