I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
