Midget sex pt 2 tonight
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
