im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize