This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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