im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
