only you would photoshop your dick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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