how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
