I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
