Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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