i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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