he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
