Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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