Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh god it's open bar.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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