I CAN MOONWALK!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
