she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
