I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
