accomplished twins. life is a go
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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