bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
