Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
