I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
