I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
