I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
