Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
