Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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