That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
