I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
