I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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