I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
