Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
