bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
