She is in my trunk
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
