why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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