she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
