i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
