The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
