He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
