on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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