Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
