I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
