it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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