Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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