Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
