So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
