Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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