It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
