I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Everything about him screamed your future.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
two words...techno handjob
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
