you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize