I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
