there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
