i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
