Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
