I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Damn victory sex feels great
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
