If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
