i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Randomize
