I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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