to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Operation Purity has been aborted
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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