the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
