Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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