girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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