Someone shit on the floor
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
