It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The struggles of a small town man whore
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
