So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So vagazzling was a success
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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