omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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