you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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