Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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