does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
COCAINE IS GR8
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize