if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
