I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I have post one night stand depression
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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