I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
