You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize