i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
