What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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