life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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