How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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