i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize