I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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