I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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