Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
