I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
